Dear Digital Diary,
I now present my information.
Background
Whether it was karma or just my luck, I somehow managed to piece together everything that was happening during my relationship without ever getting a straight answer from his mouth.
Women always know. Some like to call it anxiety or self-sabotage, but I’ve always found that my nervous system reacts to something that’s not right, even if I can’t figure out why yet.
Now, I wouldn’t call myself a professional stalker. But I am someone who hacked into my mom’s iPad at ten because I figured out the password. I’m not crazy — just observant enough to figure out how someone might be feeling based on reposts, recently played songs, and whatever movie suddenly becomes their favorite.
The funny part is this: none of what I found was particularly difficult to find.
And here’s why.
Case Evidence #1:
“I Don’t Need to Tell You Everything”
This is an immediate red flag.
Honestly, he pretty much just told on himself.
“I don’t need to tell you everything” usually means, “I’m actually hiding very specific things.”
In his case, this revolved around a social media platform that I wasn’t allowed to follow. I’d tried to find it, but as most people do, it wasn’t under his actual name.
I later learned that I probably would’ve been able to find it, but couldn’t because I had been blocked.
Where he went wrong: I have three accounts on that platform.
And for some reason, he hadn’t blocked me on the others.
So to block a woman from your social media platform, only for her to find everything on her second account, and then delete the evidence after she’s already seen it?
Be so for real.
And may I mention — there were obvious reasons he didn’t want me to see it. The persona he had online was nothing like the person I thought I knew in real life.
Case Evidence #2:
Following an Ex and Thinking No One Would Notice
Yikes.
It’s things like this that make me wonder if I presented myself in a way that appeared naive.
Following an ex from years ago on Instagram is one thing.
Spotify?
That’s a whole different ballgame.
Especially when there are only two other people in your following.
I love Spotify. I wasn’t even trying to be sneaky. Something just told me to look.
And there it was.
Her name.
Interesting.
It didn’t take me long to figure out that the name matched the profile that kept getting suggested to me on Instagram.
And he had never told me her name.
Case Evidence #3:
Logging Onto Dating Apps While in a Relationship
This one killed me at the time — that stomach-dropping feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
But in hindsight, it’s almost funny.
I wasn’t on dating apps because I was in a relationship.
My best friend, however, was.
And he knew that.
So of course it took less than a day for his face to pop up on her profile.
Unfortunately, I was there and saw it in real time.
That being said, even if I hadn’t seen it, she would’ve told me anyway.
At that time, I also had two other friends on the app.
Which I was pretty sure he knew.
But clearly this wasn’t very thought out.
Case Evidence #4:
Trusting Two Women Not to Compare Notes
This might’ve been the biggest strategic error of all.
Women process things externally.
We talk things through, compare notes, and piece things together.
So if you leave one woman in a room with another woman who knows you well and assume she won’t break girl code to protect your bad decisions, that’s just poor judgment.
During this time, I was told things my gut had been nagging me about — things I was trying very hard not to pay attention to.
It was a confirmation conversation.
Later, he asked what was wrong because I was acting off.
Maybe it was because this woman told me I deserved better.
And for the first time, I accepted that I did.
Analysis
The craziest part is that none of this required some elaborate investigation.
It was all just there.
A blocked account that wasn’t fully blocked. An ex followed in a place he assumed I wouldn’t check. Dating profiles shown to people he knew were connected to me. Information shared between women he somehow trusted not to compare notes.
At a certain point, it stopped feeling like bad luck and started feeling like a massive overestimation of his own intelligence.
If you’re going to lie, at least be good at it.
Because every attempt to hide something only made it easier to find.
Conclusion
Maybe it was karma.
Or maybe it was a massive misjudgment of my intellect and intuition.
Either way, maybe the next girl he tries to punk will figure it out quicker than I did.
*please note that, additionally, a writer will always write. to not write about what she is compelled to is to go against her own authenticity and what drives her sense of being. please know that I had to, for c’est la vie.
Dear Digital Diary 
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