Dear Digital Diary

Dear Digital Diary,

I’m so burnt out.

I’ve always been an easygoing person in the sense that I like having plenty of free time and the freedom to decide how I fill it. I tend to push back against making plans because, honestly, they stress me out. A scheduled-out 9-to-5 until the day I retire is my own personal nightmare. It’s not that I don’t like working or spending time with my friends. I’ve just always valued my personal freedom and the little things I can do with the time I have.

That being said, for the past six months, I’ve had very little of that. I’ve worked a full-time job, scheduled time with friends, run errands, and written a post every week. I traveled to visit friends and family. I applied to jobs. I got rejected from jobs. My ribs were out of place. Gas prices went up. I’m trying to figure out how to move.

With such a packed schedule, I called it healing. At the beginning of the year, I was in such a tumultuous mental place after the end of a relationship I valued that filling my time with anything and everything felt easier than sitting with my feelings. And maybe some of it was healing. But somewhere along the way, staying busy became a way to avoid being still.

So even though I was running as fast as I could, it’s all caught up with me: the scheduling, the full-time job, the emotions that dip and rise, the bruised heart, and the realization that time is passing. Conveniently, all of this has coincided with the changing seasons. Now that autumn is here, my seasonal depression, which tends to blanket me as the world grows colder, has come knocking.

And I start to wonder if perhaps it’s time for me, like the ferns and the bears and the daisies, to tuck myself in and rest until spring.

I may not be able to disappear into the woods and hibernate until next April, but I’ve been trying to find little ways to make this season feel softer. Here are a few things that have been bringing me comfort during my autumn burnout.

What I’ve Been Loving During My Autumn Burnout

At this time of year, I find that my anxiety is at its highest. I don’t know if it’s the looming cold or the stress of the triple holidays, but that, paired with my burnout, calls for some quiet comfort. Here are a few things I’ve been loving lately.

Lentil & Cannellini Bean Soup (Cacio e Pepe Style)

I’ve recently discovered lentil soup. Now, I’m no chef by any means, but I think it’s pretty good. And it has fiber (because I never eat enough) and fresh garlic (which is my favorite immune-boosting life hack during the colder months).

What You’ll Need:

• 1 clove of garlic
• Olive oil
• Black pepper, to taste
• ½ to 1 cup of chicken broth, plus more as needed
• ¼ cup of red lentils
• ¼ cup of cannellini beans
• Pecorino Romano cheese, freshly grated

How to Make It:

1. Set a pot on the stove over medium-high heat. Drizzle in enough olive oil to coat the bottom of the pot and let it heat up.
2. Add chopped or grated garlic and stir with a spatula for a minute or two so it cooks without burning. I like to grate the garlic, but chopped garlic works well, too.
3. Add black pepper, followed by the cannellini beans and lentils. Stir until everything is coated in the garlicky olive oil.
4. Add the chicken broth and bring to a boil. Once boiling, reduce the heat to low and let it simmer for about 15 minutes, or until the lentils are tender. Add a little more broth or water if needed.
5. While it simmers, grate the Pecorino Romano and set it aside.
6. Once the lentils are cooked, remove the pot from the heat and give everything a good stir. Add as much Pecorino Romano as you desire. I’ve been loving about a third of a cup of freshly grated cheese. Stir until creamy, then transfer to a bowl or a mug.

(Soup in a mug is a highly underrated idea.)

’80s, ’90s, and 2000s Movies & Television

I’ve found that movies these days can feel a little too tapped into reality and don’t always provide the escape I look for in film and TV. When I look back a good 20 years or so, I’m able to escape with ease. Sometimes, I just want something familiar, a little weird, or completely removed from my current reality.

Some of my favorites on rotation have been:

• The Lost Boys (1987) — A campy vampire movie set on the California coast.
• Death Becomes Her (1992) — A classic Halloween-time movie about revenge, vanity, and magic.
• Gremlins 1 & 2 (1984 & 1990) — My favorite ’80s movie about a mysterious pet that can’t be fed after midnight. And the second one is set in New York City.
• Brother Bear (2003) — A movie I watched for the first time this year about purpose, brotherhood, and belonging. Also bears.

And for television:

• The X-Files (1993–2018) — Aliens and crime and FBI — oh my!
• Scrubs (2001–2009) — My go-to sitcom about young doctors navigating work, friendship, and life.

There’s something comforting about returning to stories that don’t ask too much of you when it seems that the world does.

No Phone Days!

I’ve done this once, but I’ll likely do it again soon. I texted my closest friends and told them I’d be off my phone for one day of the weekend.

I hate to say it’s the phones, but it is. I was so productive without mine. And sure, I got the usual chores and errands done, but I also made room for creativity. I did my laundry, watched a film, painted, and read a book.

When I’m not constantly scrolling and breaking down my ability to focus on something for more than seven seconds, I can actually lock in. And it feels good to have a day to myself as an introvert, especially during burnout.

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I think I’m slowly learning that I don’t always need to be moving forward, “healing”, or filling every empty space in my calendar. Sometimes, I just need to exist for a little while without making a project out of it.

So, for the rest of autumn, I’m trying to give myself permission to slow down. For someone who has always said this to others, it’s ironic I now have to force-feed the concept of “slowing down” to myself. But I am. And do slow down means to eat soup out of a mug, watch movies I’ve seen a dozen times, and let the days be a little quieter.

Maybe hibernation isn’t such a bad idea after all.