Dear Digital Diary,

if empathy had a storefront, I think it’d look like a second-hand shoe store.

There’s an old phrase that says something along the lines of, “Well, if you took a walk in my shoes, you’d realize what my life is actually like.”

Like I said — it’s something like that. It’s one of those sayings people throw around when things are going terribly wrong or when they’re trying to explain why they did what they did.

So I’ve done what they said.

I tied up the laces of their Nike Air Forces, slipped on the red bottom heels, and stamped across the yard in cowboy boots.

I thought I’d find reasons to resent them. Instead, I found people trying to outrun themselves.

The Cheater’s Nike Air Forces

When someone cheats, 99% of the time, it isn’t about the victim.

What I found in a cheater’s shoes was someone who became bored easily. And again, it wasn’t their partner who was the problem. Instead, the partner had needs, and the cheater simply couldn’t rise to meet them. The cheater felt horrible about themselves because they couldn’t meet those needs. To make themselves feel like the hero, they moved toward something they felt they could meet.

Now that their ego is fixed, they believe they can finally show up for their partner.

But the damage has already been done.

And if the partner breaks it off? Well, that’s just an even bigger hit to their ego.

The cheating was never really about the partner. It was about the parts of themselves they couldn’t face.

The Blamer’s Cowboy Boots

The cowboy boots were heavier.

Every step felt louder, like admitting fault would echo farther than the truth ever could.

If you took a walk in their shoes, you’d start to realize they have a hard time apologizing. In fact, you could rarely find a time in which they had.

They’ve found that, in order to be heard, someone else must become the problem. It is easier to blame another person than to blame oneself. Again, it’s the ego talking. For some reason, it’s a larger hit to the ego to apologize than it is to create a bigger issue.

The blame was never really about the other person. It was about protecting themselves from accountability.

The Liar’s Red Bottom Heels

The red bottoms looked beautiful from the outside.

If you slipped them on, you’d notice they carried more lies than you expected. 

What surprised me was how often the lies seemed rooted in a fear of being perceived. They cared about what everybody thought to the point that they bent the truth into whatever version they believed the other person would respond positively to.

The problem with caring so much about what other people think is that, once those lies are uncovered, a knot forms in the liar’s tongue. They may never again be seen in the light they spent so much energy trying to create.

The lies were never really about the person being lied to. They were about the fear of being seen.

The Angry Daughter’s Orange Converse

The angry daughter’s orange converse are bright on the outside, but it lacks support on the inside.

What begins as sadness turns to anger, because they see sadness as weakness. It’s a deep hurt that isn’t processed fully and becomes a stronger form. What could’ve been tears becomes bullet wounds. It’s not healthy. But it’s not about the other person.

I should know. I have orange converse. I bought ’em new.

See, it’s important to try and understand where someone came from without ending up where they did. 

Sometimes, taking a walk in someone else’s shoes simply reminds you that their footsteps began long before they crossed your path. Understanding someone isn’t the same as excusing them, but sometimes the people who hurt us are carrying battles that have very little to do with someone other than themselves.

It isn’t about you.